I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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