Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
