I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
