You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
