Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
