He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize