You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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