Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
