So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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