This is not my ceiling
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
