"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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