Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
