My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
