if i can run in heels then i can drive
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
