I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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