i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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