He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize