I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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