He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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