just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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