i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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