When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
