did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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