one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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