I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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