I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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