Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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