Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
