I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
soo... how was my night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
