He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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