Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
