hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
