remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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