Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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