I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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