Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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