Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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