I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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