Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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