His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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