omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize