I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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