"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
