i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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