Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
