What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
