He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
