Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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