I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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