eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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