We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
