I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
