I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
