She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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