I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
