Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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