loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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