So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
