I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
